I know I haven’t wrote to you guys as much as I should do, but recently I’ve felt awesome and life has just taken me on a wonderful ride, so I’ve lived a bit – this is unlike me to be honest.
I have an annoying sense of urgency surrounding time. I always feel like I have to do so much in so little time. I don’t like just sitting around and doing nothing, I always want to fill my time with something, thing is though, we forget that sometimes we need to recharge. We need to change the batteries and leave a bit of time for ourselves and when I don’t, well….my body just starts to shut down a little. I don’t have energy to do anything and my mind then starts to go on overdrive.
Okay, I have gone a bit off-piste with what I actually wanted to write about but I think it’s something I need to work on. Time is just something someone came up with, it’s set in stone because we made it that way, I think I just need to chill out a little and realise life is not time.
So what I actually wanted to write about, well Mr Black (my OCD) has decided to kick off recently about things that happened around 10-12 years ago, things that happened when I was a kid.
When we are young we do crazy things, we experiment, our hormones are all over the place and we just do things that help us find out more about ourselves as a person.
Well, when I was a kid I did some crazy things that normal kids do, things that we learn from, things that we take with us on our journey throughout life. Like I said, hormones are everywhere and we think we can run before we can walk. My problem is that all of the things i worry about when i was a child are actually just part of growing up. They do involve our hormones, they do involve arguments, they involve experimenting and actually we are (in reality) finding out about what makes us ‘us’.
Thing is some of the silly, wonderful and crazy things I did as an adolescent don’t seem to leave my mind, I get really hung up on the past and can’t seem to get my head around the fact that I was young. I’ve asked my friends and family their opinions about the things that I worry about and they laugh and just say ‘dude, you were a kid….that’s hilarious’ and this is when Mr Black gets involved and decides to constantly make me feel like I’m the worst person on the planet.
The whole reason for me writing this blog is to make a pact with myself and you guys, it’s time to let go…. Let go of holding onto silly NORMAL things we do when we are growing up. It’s going to be super hard but it’s something i NEED to do, i need to stop worrying about things that are just part of life.
So after dwelling over it for the last 12 years from today I am going to forgive myself……I’m gonna think ‘FUCK IT’ I was a kid and you know what….kids do crazy things when they are young – IT’S ALL PART OF GROWING UP. Mr Black can tell me all sorts but I have asked my friends, family and even the doctors and they just chuckled and told me it’s normal…YOU WERE A KID.
Soooo I think it’s time that I let go….let go of the past and move forward. Yup I may have a few days where I will start to worry but I need to let it all go for the sake of my future!!
Anyone else fancy making this pact with me??
So, until next time tell yourself:
“Keep going. Each step may get harder, but don’t stop. The view at the top is beautiful”